I just wish your ghosts were gone

"I've never been the kind to hold back

though I'd never felt the burn before

and all these years I begged for vengeance

and was only left with wanting more

but I can't be whole until I let all this anger go,

a silent strain I've carried long enough

I can't be with you, I don't even want to

I just wish your ghosts were gone

cause I'm ready to love

I've been guarded long enough

It's taken a lot to forgive you

oh it's taken me so long

I tried in vain to forget you

oh I tried everything

but I won't be free until I've made peace with never knowing

what went wrong and was the fault in me

I can't be with you, I don't even want to

I just wish your ghosts were gone

cause I'm ready to love

I've been guarded long enough

I've been guarded long enough

I've been guarded long enough

I've been guarded long enough to know I'm ready

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready now"

Kevin Daniel - Guarded

Very often I like to ponder over matters of (my own) sexuality and my answer's never going to change: I really like boys. A lot. There's something about being with a man...I think it's masculinity? Something about masculinity that makes you feel really safe and good. Really, really good. And if there's anything I miss about being in a relationship it'd be the cuddles. Definitely the cuddles. You feel insulated from the world and there's just this magnetic force field surrounding the two of you that makes you feel very invincible, private, all-powerful and...it's basically your own world in there. I really adore that feeling. Like no one can harm you for as long as you're joint together. 2 becomes 1, two become one. Then you just observe each other's breathing and you try to synchronize everything. The inhalation, the exhalation and the heaving of diaphragms and chests. A joint rhythm, a joint beating.

I guess sometimes deep down I still really can't wait to fall in love all over again.